What If You Didn’t Have to Keep Coping With the Same Thing?

Maybe you've been to therapy before.

You learned how to challenge negative thoughts. You learned grounding techniques. You learned how to take deep breaths, distract yourself, journal, set boundaries, or talk yourself through difficult moments.

And maybe those things helped.

But you might also be wondering:

Why am I still getting triggered by the same things?

That is a question I think about often as a therapist.

Coping Skills Aren't the Problem

I want to start here because I believe coping skills have an important place in therapy.

Sometimes you need something that helps you get through the moment.

Think of coping skills like a Band-Aid.

If you're bleeding, a Band-Aid is useful. You don't throw it away because it isn't healing the entire wound. You use it because right now, you need it.

Coping skills can work the same way.

They can help you calm your body, manage overwhelming emotions, challenge an unhelpful thought, or get through a difficult day.

Approaches like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) can be incredibly helpful for teaching these skills.

But sometimes people reach a point where they don't want to become better at managing the same emotional wound.

They want to work on what's underneath it.

When You Understand It, But Still Feel It

Have you ever known something logically but couldn't get the rest of you to believe it?

You know you're safe now.

But your body still reacts.

You know that relationship is over.

But something about rejection still sends you spiraling.

You know what happened wasn't your fault.

But you still carry the shame.

You know you don't need everyone's approval.

But disappointing someone still creates an immediate pit in your stomach.

This is where simply knowing better doesn't always translate into feeling different.

And it doesn't necessarily mean you need to think harder.

Sometimes you've already thought about it enough.

This Is Why I Work Differently

In my practice, I incorporate approaches such as Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) and Brainspotting alongside traditional talk therapy.

These approaches allow us to work with experiences differently.

Instead of relying only on talking about what happened, analyzing why you feel a certain way, or figuring out the “right” thought to replace another thought, we can also pay attention to the memories, emotions, sensations, images, and reactions connected to the experience.

And here's one of my favorite parts:

I don't believe that I have all the answers about what your brain needs.

You have lived inside of your mind and body your entire life.

My role isn't to sit across from you and tell you how you're supposed to heal.

I'm there to guide the process.

I provide the structure, therapeutic support, and interventions. But I also trust what emerges from you.

Sometimes your brain makes connections that neither one of us could have planned.

That's part of the work.

What If You Didn't Need the Band-Aid as Often?

This is ultimately what I'm interested in.

Not taking your coping skills away.

Not telling you that breathing, grounding, journaling, challenging thoughts, or other techniques don't matter.

Keep your Band-Aids.

Use them when you need them.

But imagine something that normally sends your anxiety through the roof.

Instead of immediately needing five different techniques to calm yourself down, you notice:

That doesn't hit me the way it used to.

You remember what happened, but your body isn't reacting like it's happening all over again.

You encounter something that once triggered you, and you don't have to spend the rest of your day recovering from it.

You aren't working as hard to feel okay.

That's different from simply becoming really good at coping.

Therapy Can Be About More Than Managing

Sometimes coping is exactly what we need.

And sometimes we're ready for something deeper.

That's why the question I often bring into my work isn't only:

“How can we help you handle this when it happens again?”

It's also:

“What if this didn't have to keep affecting you this way?”

Because the goal isn't to spend the rest of your life collecting more and more coping techniques.

The goal is to have choices.

To understand yourself.

To process what you've been carrying.

And, when possible, to reach a place where you don't have to work quite so hard to feel okay inside of your own life.

Sometimes we need the Band-Aid.

And sometimes we're finally ready to see what's underneath it.